Between two worlds

The unrivalled fresh eyes of a child when it comes to scrutinising their elders. Perfect for picking apart the differences in culture and heritage. The precocious child that says the usually unspoken rules out loud. Poking holes in the blanket of safety that the adults try to wrap around them.

There's nothing quite like it.

The child’s first influence is that of the caregiver. They are reliant on the caregiver for survival. The baby starts to mimic the caregiver's behavioural patterns. This forms the basis of what the child might consider instinctive or "common sense".

And as well meaning parents do, they pull us in the direction that they decide is forward. However, it is rare for the ideals of the parents to be 100% aligned. In the aspects that they diverge, it might stretch us apart. As a child you would give deference to your protectors and guardians. They might try to explain their thought processes. but that is hard to communicate to a baby that soils their diapers.

For parents from the same background, these differences are usually quite minimised. Due to the uniform underlying expectation. There will still be slight differences in interpretation sprinkled into the mix. The overarching idea will still be crystal clear to adapt and follow. The fundamental working principles are the same while implementation might differ.

The opposite tends to be more true for mixed heritage. The parents might agree on the implementation. But the underlying reasoning and cultural significance might be too distinct to reconcile.

It should be an intensified version of an experience that we should have gone through. When introduced to new people, there were extra rules to follow. Different rules. As humans, we would adapt to the situation. Adopt a different set of behaviours to navigate the room. Behaving the same way in a different culture might be rude.

Changing behaviours to suit the environment, is known as code switching. Learning how to do it for one culture is difficult. Double it and it might be enough to push the developing mind of a toddler over the edge.

There are usually a few ways that this plays out.

The high performers make use of the situation, to learn as much as possible from the people around them. This leads to a larger pool of perspectives and resources that they can draw upon in their later years. The stressful situation that they were put in, has now fuelled their growth. Both enhancing their competency as well as their empathy towards others.

The usual outcome is that they get thrown into a state of confusion. The code switching becomes a necessity to remain relevant across different groups. The suppression of the "I" in favour of the "we". The more you might wonder, "What happens to the real me?"

There are fragments and elements of you in each of those masks and personas that you put on. Scatted among the thoughts and emotions, that other have because of you. This is by nature a puzzle that nobody else can solve for you. Any attempt to add more influences into your life for a semblance of order and bring you further from the truth. Imitation of others will only lead to further degradation of what lies within.

Each face is the face of of a dice, and the sum of the parts is you.

The answer is that there isn't a single correct solution and we're doing the best we can to make sense of it all.

A solution is unique and it is up to the individual to decide what to do with all the pieces. Sometimes we make something beautiful. Or it might end up as a trash heap.

There are times where I see them pick a side instead of trying to incorporate both. They deify one and demonise the other. Half a man and half a beast. Instead of figuring out the whole puzzle, they decide to throw out the pieces that confuse them. Opting to assemble something that they are more comfortable with. As a result they will always be incomplete, because they deny parts of themselves.

Any form of earned strength comes from overcoming adversity. The hunger that burns, the scars that ache on a rainy day, are all pages in the book of the life that you have lived. A reminder that strength does not come from avoiding the storm, instead by weathering it.

As such having a mixed background isn't an advantage or a disadvantage. It's an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Some rise to the occasion and others fall. The encounter doesn't define who you are, it is what you choose to do in the situation that does. If you have the courage to pursue your ideals, then you have forged some semblance of character.

Describing the experience of mixed culture in broad strokes. They are in a way unique, neither completely on either side of the fence. They are on the fence itself, unable to leave no matter how much they might want to fight their origins. Neither better nor worse, only different. A different human, like the rest of us.

It is hard to pinpoint the events that shape us as people, especially if it’s a cultural phenomenon. The impact is felt and invisible like the way that the fish doesn’t know that it is water. It is also forgettable, like waves on a beach. But over time it can shape coastlines and reduce the strongest boulders to dust.

And in the end, you are the one that decides what your future looks like. With every choice, with every scar and with every triumph. You inch ever closer to understanding who you are. Not as a sum of your pieces, but as a whole.